SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH
Women in leadership usually do a fantastic job ensuring that every project is completed top notch with all the details addressed. Then we go
home and begin our evening job of addressing the needs of our children (even our adult children), spouses, parents, other loved ones, friends and
community. And we get so good at it that we may even spend time anticipating how we can help others, even before they ask us. Whew! But when it comes to us, we are not nearly as good or consistent in taking the time to care for ourselves.
Even when we are completely out of steam or exhausted, women “will” themselves to find the energy to do for others. So today I want to get you to turn your focus to you and your needs because self care is not selfish. In fact self care is essential!
There is a saying that is I concur with 100%. I hope you will hold it right now & remember: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” That means if you completely deplete yourself, you will not be able to give to or support others. It’s time for all of us to recognize that there are significant downsides to try to keep pouring when your cup is empty. You cannot show up 100% when you’re totally exhausted due to a period of work overload or when you may be experiencing health challenges.
And you know what? I notice sometimes that’s the only time that we take a pause. When our actual health or safety stop us. Does that sound like you? Until you are threatened physically or mentally, you never stop going and doing. I want you to accept that you deserve the time and effort to focus on you, to carve out a little self care time. It may not begin with anything extravagant, but even in some small ways you can help your well being. You can begin with a few deep breaths, a dedicated time of silence and prayer to begin or end your day, or a little extra rest as first steps to refill your cup.
Of course, what makes you feel most rested and at peace is unique to you. But the first step is embracing a mindset that self care is not selfish! In fact, self care is essential to support your health, strength and overall well-being.
Before I go further, it’s important to acknowledge that self care alone will not overcome the struggles of more complex mental health conditions. If you are experiencing anxiety, trauma, depression or disabling grief, it’s best to get professional mental health counseling that can help you to more effectively recover from those issues.
There are a lot of ways to look at self care. We’ll break it into three areas here to get you thinking. This will hopefully launch your own brainstorming about self care ideas that will work best for you. Here are three areas of self care and a few simple tips for you:
PHYSICAL Self Care – Taking care of your physical body.
Trying to get adequate sleep (Which may mean having wind down minutes; Not watching 11 pm news; Turning off electronic devices before bedtime)
Taking a few stretches or taking a walk when you can to get fresh air Eating healthy (Begin simply by drinking more water; reduce salt & sugar intake)
Listen to your intuition and your heart
This third area, personal self care often suffers the most when we are totally focused on the needs of others. We can lose ourselves and what matters to us. Find ways, even small ways to feed your spirit. Personal self care is remembering to add something you enjoy to your schedule.
I want to emphasize again for women in senior executive or leadership roles, it’s imperative to be intentional about self care, or the demands on your life will cause your cup to become empty. I’ve worked with women who did not take adequate self care measures until they had run completely dry and lost touch with themselves and their needs. I do not want to see that happen to you. It requires your putting and keeping your self care as a priority. Adding self care into your routine is evolving higher because it’s rebalancing your life in a way that can keep you stronger and healthier!
If you have children, one of the things we forget about self care is they are watching you. If they begin to see you practicing good self care habits, it will positively influence them to do the same as they grow up. What a valuable lesson for you to learn and at the same time, teach.
We’ve discussed tips for physical, emotional and personal self care. Now let’s look at the value of self care from a spiritual perspective. Felicea
Myer-DeLoatch, LCSW, posed some thought provoking questions and perspectives on this topic: “What if we accept the fact that God gave us our temples (which encompass mind, body and spirit) to use in ways that honor and glorify Him? What difference would that make in keeping a time commitment to consistently care for your mind, body and spirit if it was a way of honoring Christ? …Building the habits that nurture the physical, mental and spiritual dimensions of our God-given temples is a God- honoring way to live!”
Christ gives us the wisdom to figure out our schedules and to examine where we are spending all of our time and energy. I hope Felicea’s questions can incentivize you to desire a healthy, whole temple, that you will be full enough to not miss opportunities to reflect Christ’s light to others.
My Evolving Higher Challenge to you:
What part of your self care do you already know needs more attention?
What one idea or action are you willing to adopt into your self care practice?
When will you begin?
Remember: Self care is not selfish. You deserve it!
Until next time, stay blessed!
“Caring for your Mind, Body and Spirit” – Interview with Ms Felicea Myer-DeLoatch by Linda Stephens-Jones, October 3, 2017, Life Coach
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